The Re-Wilding
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The Importance of Rage
Posted on 22. Jan, 2010 by admin in Blog
This post is not about blaming. It is about traveling the path toward humanity’s healing and holing.
Men are responsible for egregious violence against life. It has been this way for at least four millennia. Yet in order for something different to arise men must cultivate a functional relationship with the very emotion responsible for so much of the violence. They must be reacquainted with their rage, allowing it to come out of the shadows and take its place alongside the (only slightly) more accepted emotions of love and grief.
A man’s rage is a powerful portal back to the deepest heart connection he has with the world and with himself. We need masculine rage-in-service-of-life as desperately as we need rain forests, clean oceans, mountaintops, and wild-flowing unobstructed rivers. There is a profoundly important relationship between all these natural elements and the protective rage-in-service-of-life that often lives in the shadows of the masculine heart. This is a complex issue and I don’t attempt to explain the beginnings of masculine violence in the world within the body of this post. But it is crucial to the thesis of this post to state that contrary to a popular assumption, the acculturation process for men does not have to do with learning how to dominate. It has everything to do with learning how to obey and be submissive while being taunted with the (im)possibility of achieving a position of power-over. Men are seen as impotent unless they achieve power-over, and they are often humiliated (in ways ranging from subtle to viciously overt) for this impotence.
Often, for the man who has acknowledged his gender’s destructive history, there is an erroneous, but nonetheless mortal, combat between the lover of him and the understandable rage within him. Yet, these two aspects must be working in harmony in order for him to be able to offer himself, fully empowered, to the world. Before any of that can happen he needs to know he can safely express his rage (in service of) without being cast out, castrated or hurting others.
There is a place for this in-service rage to be expressed in the presence of men who can say, “Yes…we see you. We hear you. We love you.” And, there is a necessary time for men to allow this specific type of rage to be witnessed by the feminine. This is medicine. So often, both men and women have only ever witnessed catastrophically destructive rage; rage borne out of fear and impotence. I have stopped counting the number of times men have said to me “I’m scared to let the rage out. I have no idea what I’ll do, what will happen. I could hurt you.” And despite this understandable fear, I’ve only ever witnessed the opposite. I’ve witnessed men raging against the violence that has been perpetrated by their lineage and sometimes by them. I’ve witnessed men raging against a tyrannical rule book that tells them their tenderness, tears and uncertainty are evidence that they are weak. I’ve witnessed rage against a culture that trains men to dissociate from their bodies, denigrating all wisdom contained therein (and making true intimacy and true joy impossible). And I’ve witnessed men rage against the rage that accompanies the wounded angry lonely boy of the masculine. And perhaps most painful, I’ve witnessed men raging against an insidious opportunistic global culture that teaches them that war – and killing – are noble, by preying on the masculine’s innate desire to be called into duty as fierce protector. Yet, as I have witnessed all this rage, I’ve never once felt afraid for my own safety. I’ve never once felt anything but a combination of my own grief for the process of modern masculine acculturation and the deepest love for the man standing in front of me, a man who is courageously reclaiming the full truth of his experience. And of course, I have been reminded of the extraordinary and necessary power locked within the masculine, that is all too often only expressed, and witnessed, as destructive.
A key to the process of Re-Wilding is welcoming home the exiled rage (in service of life) burning within so many of our men. Each of us needs to own our part in creating and feeding this rage to begin with, and we must also make room for the full expression of it as well as the grief that accompanies it. Until this happens it is likely that not much will shift in the amount or nature of the atrocities committed.
YES!!!!
This past weekend, with 20 + men, we uncovered the rage you speak of. It was empowering, beautiful and completely wild. Please know and trust there are men out there, planting their man-staff in the ground and proclaiming “no more.”
Jayson
A personal inventory:
Years of suppressed rage – check.
Suppression due to fear of destruction – check.
Messages from others that rage = weakness – check.
Christiane, your insight is much appreciated. Your post is timely for me, as I am working hard to tap into that rage as a source of strength to guide me towards my higher self. I’m learning how to recognize and understand the messages in the body, and how they can direct me towards a path of life sustaining energy.
It’s too easy to take the cultural cues, cheating everyone by acting like everything is alright all the time. Dammit it’s not, and I’m learning I can be a powerful warrior by reaching for my strength through my rage to transform the world around me.
Thank Christiane,
Your writing touched me deeply. For most of my life I have made my emotions wrong, unacceptable feelings that needed to be shelter, swallowed, covered in shame.
From elementary school through high school I have cried a max. of 10 times. I could not show my tears to anyone, it was “right”. To feel those powerful feelings flow through me, to let the tears run was something that no one, often times not even me, would have accepted. I would have been ridiculed, laughed at, demonstrated weakness.
Anger has been scary, bottled up, untouched for years. The emotion that has not had a true healthy voice, in the outside world, the emotions that I have kept hidden to not hurt others.
The same emotion that has subtly fueled my passion for activism and socio-environmental justice, that has helped me scream ENOUGH!! with a roaring presence.
This past weekend, thanks to Jayson Gaddis and Aaron Huey, I have let that wild beast, that fierce wolf, out of the cage.
And for how much scary it felt, it was also so empowering.
I have begun a journey of rekindling, and maybe for the first time truly getting in touch, with my dark, angry wildman.
Thank you for your post.
Great Post very beautifully captured. In a conscious and safe space – letting that rage out is the most healing experience I have ever witnessed or experienced.
Jayson – congratulations on the weekend and the beginning of the journey for this group of powerful men. Rock On.
I am continually blown away by what is possible when men start to harness the power of their rage instead of letting it destroy them. For me – it finally became possible to start being successful on my own terms rather than waiting for someone else to motivate my actions. My wildman has helped me manifest the kind of freedom and leadership that I wanted but was terrified to reach for.
If you’re ready to get in touch with the wild part of yourself, and start integrating ALL the power of the wild man and the shadow – get to an initiation. There’s a New Warrior Training near you, and a community of men waiting to welcome all parts of who you are.
Interesting post. I’ve taken that rage that was unleashed this weekend at Jayson’s event and channelledit in to my job situation this week. Amazing things are happening!
And theres more! There’s more!
I understand this to be very true. When we journey into ourselves as men and get the very essence of who we are, we are left with a very powerful and humble position to create new opportunites for ourselves and the people in our families and our communities. Shining light on my shadows and polishing the gold has helped me to become a husband with a say, a leader in our relationship, an example within my business, and most of all an access to the courage for me and other men to step out into true manhood. One of emotion, joy, strength, stability, nurturing, and humble power to create a life full of creative energy and possiblity. So I say yes, wield this rage and express it in a safe place and be astonished as it is welcomed and turned into a power beyond imagination!
Rage
I seems to me that “letting out the rage” is an exercise in futility. Nothing has changed execpt you supposedly feel better. I think you should take the energy in the rage and stand up to the probem and fight to make changes in the situation that created the rage in the first place. The long time atisfaction of causing change trumps the satisfaction in a short time angry outburst every time.
Thank you for your thoughts Roy. I agree with you 100%; that simply venting rage is not fruitful. The practice I am referring to has more to do with owning the rage precisely so it can be channeled into productive action (whether that ‘action’ is the cultivation of self acceptance and love or stepping out – with warrior presence – in front of a bulldozer that is about to remove a mountain top). The ramifications of exiled rage are catastrophic, from unpredictable outbursts and acute emotional alienation to impotence, depression, chronic headaches, insomnia…and so much more. So, this invitation calls men to face the rage, have it witnessed, and find the tools to use it for its intended purpose; to help create a world in which ALL life is sacred. All Life……
Thank you for your on reclamation Mike. What a beautiful invitation you make to other men. I’m moved to hear even just this small piece of your journey.
This is really exciting. Are there other men in Austin interested in this kind of work?
That’s a wonderful question Chris. Let me put this question out to the men in my circles and see what they say. I’ll let you know. Thanks for you dedication to your own fullness.