khajuraho_Couple StandingJust as it is true for individuals, the story created by the interweaving of coupled humans gives birth to a unique vision and wisdom without which the world cannot be whole.

In the same way that we must mirror and support each other on our individual journeys, our couples too must be mirrored and supported. In this culture we rarely take the opportunity to inquire into the soul-stories that draw two people into intimate partnership. And our communities rarely accept their responsibility for holding their couples and families. Without this context and holding a couple easily forgets (or might never realize in the first place) the most sacred purpose for their partnership. Coupling is not for comfort and security as much as it must be to nurture the individual stories living within each of us which, when combined, co-create a story unique and beautiful to each couple. These stories offer invaluable wisdom and guidance for the greater purpose of humanity as a whole. It is as if our coupling offers the universe a portal through which it can speak to us about our interconnection and importance in the larger web of life.

Bringing Truth The Body
Although I work with couples in all stages and places of their partnership, my particular joy is in supporting them in exploring and developing their unique intimate expression . Sometimes this means working as guide and educator in the sacred terrain of their physical/sexual intimacy.  The truth that is expressed during our sexual intimacy (whether with self, other or the larger world) is rich with information about the unique – and necessary – stories living within each of us. In this landscape we can find the stories of our shame as well as our self-worth. In this work each couple gains greater understanding of what it is that has brought them together and how it is that they can both honor and nurture the story that is living through their partnership. Together we develop practices that will nurture the full development and offering of this story created by their coupling. We also iron out any kinks or uncertainties that exist in the pragmatic aspects of their intimate practice. For instance, many couples want to learn how to extend their orgasms, experience greater intimacy during sex, overcome inhibitions, bring in more play, foster more polarity etc. These issues are easily covered within the greater work of creating an archetypal map unique to their particular journey.

‘Sexual Dysfunction’,  ‘Pathology’ & Masculine Sexuality
The work I do with couples is not therapy or marriage counseling. I do not use the term ‘pathology’ in describing clients’ behavior. Nor do I subscribe to the term ‘sexual dysfunction’. Most often I regard a man’s inability to achieve or maintain an erection as his most vulnerable truth, speaking through his body.  The last thing in the world we would want is to medicate this truth into submission or simply put him on a path to ‘conquer this problem’. Most often the journey through this dilemma is by taking all pressure off his erection, off his performance within the act of intercourse and off the goal of his (or his partner’s) orgasm. Reprogramming his sexuality to allow for it to simply be a pathway to deeper self-awareness, extended pleasure, relaxation and connection is the first step to inviting the full physiology of his sexuality back on-line. In the meantime, we focus on the literally thousands of other activities he can engage in with – or without – his partner that will feed both of them deeply and allow him to rediscover his sexual expression in a healthy, present and embodied way. Often, when a man takes this journey he rediscovers his tenderness, his sublimated (and oh-so-important) rage and his deep masculine passion as well. All three of these expressions of the masculine are vitally needed on the planet right now.

‘Female Sexual Dysfunction’  & Authentic Feminine Sexuality
A woman’s inability to achieve orgasm or feel the full throttle of her desire is an understandable response to living within a culture that is deeply afraid of the full expression of the feminine. We cannot have it both ways – either we revere the feminine or we silence Her. If we chose the latter then we cannot be surprised when the flow of life itself stops functioning properly. And again, as with our men, the last thing we want to do, and the least ethical thing we can do as practitioners, is simply head straight for the ‘problem’ and address it as if it were a leaky roof in need of a patch.  A woman’s numbness, lack of desire or any of the other all-too-common female responses to our fearful culture must be addressed with both a contextual understanding of our culture and its shame around authentic sexuality and the creation of an invitation which speaks directly to the unique language of a woman’s sexual soul. Whether she is in intimate partnership or making love to herself, there are rich and wonderful pathways for her to re-discover the indigenous language of her sexuality. And during this journey often times a woman will discover her truth and her voice, hiding in the same deep forest as her full-throttle sexual expression. All three of these aspects of the feminine are desperately needed on the planet right now.

Humans are among the most adaptive ingenious creatures on the planet. The behaviors our modern culture tends to define as ‘pathological’ or ‘sexually dysfunctional’ are highly informative (and in some cases very hopeful) behaviors in response to a dysfunctional culture which makes pathological requests of us. My work with couples focuses on their intimate dance together as sexual partners. I am deeply honored to work as guide, coach, facilitator, teacher and sacred witness.